11 October 2019


Thanks for watching!

it's morning on the 11th of October I am

about to go do my way in I've just woken up I'm not really looking forward to this weigh-in because last night I ate a whole pizza and then I ate four biscuits and then it--wait bakes that's right yeah so I don't know how this is going to go other than a couple of inches I've been doing pretty good yeah let's see how how this weigh-in goes so I did my way in this morning and I have lost three point seven kilos which is eight point one pounds in the last week I cannot fathom losing that much in a week it's insane all I've been doing is eating the love salads like literally salads like every meal even if I'm having pasta I'll bulk cut off with vegetables and yeah it's a big loss it's a big loss for me it's insane I was going to be shocked if I lost you know in a little bit way so I'm really happy with that I feel like I'm making progress and that for a week progress for me is amazing especially a so doing I've done it the healthy way I've only managed a few times they're happy about that and I have finished or I feel like I'm like a meeting to binge I have started like

really assessing how I'm feeling and my moods and it may take a while for me to be like oh this is something that I used to do and that's that's okay that's something that I guess I'll just have to deal with when it comes to it but for now that's I'm managing I'm managing and it's making me feel good I'm feeling a lot better about myself physically like when I have this horrible habit of weighing myself every day so before last week when I decided that that's it I'm going to get back on track with myself and my weight loss and getting back up to the 49 pounds lost I had been watching the scale grow daily and I would say to the people around me that look I'm gaining weight and I'm feeling horrible about myself and it's really affecting how I'm viewing the world and they you know they're very supportive the people around me are very very supportive but for me personally I can't justify that and everyone's like oh you know you're just working on your mental health now and that's the most important thing you just gotta focus on that and I have been I've been focusing on my mental health by taking my

medications and seeing my therapist but it felt like it was such an urgent thing to do like losing weight and getting back on track was something urgent it needed to happen like now so when I weighed last week I was 150 8.7 kilos now that's 155 which is three forty nine point eight pounds down to services 341 point seven I have to write everything down because this conversion stuff is so confusing I am really looking forward to seeing where this goes hopefully I can keep going and with one thing I can say for sure is that I am never ever ever getting back up into the 380 pound mark ever that is something I can not do which is why when I saw that my waist was my weight was increasing increasing increasing by 8 point something kilos that I needed to really take control of it and really get back on the track happy life is doing the same as it usually is going up and down and last night I was chopping onion and I was I was so proud of myself because I got the onion and the perfect like sizes for spaghetti spaghetti and I ended up slicing right through the top of my thumb all along here

angle and oh my I knew it chopped but if my thumb off I was like bleeding everywhere my kids were crying and I was in shock and pouring blood everywhere it was all over the floor it was all over the sink I watched some but done this thing because I was like um how bad is this I mean I just shocked and I was hyperventilating and I like said I was super white so the paramedics had to be cold and I cried in front of them because it was a scary situation I felt like such an idiot so I gotta I gotta be careful with what I'm doing I'm just so naturally clumsy like when I was 17 I walked into a door for him and I gave myself whiplash and the doctor was like oh you sure he gave yourself whiplash I'm like yeah I really did give myself whiplash like no one else did this but me because she was concerned that my partner had had me but no I hurt myself accidentally this time so yeah that's where things are at I I'm just looking forward to seeing where things are going still I'm gonna keep up my diary because at the moment it's like I didn't know I want to share this with someone and I want to share it with more than one person because if

rude if I can find motivation in myself I don't I think that's wonderful I don't seem much good about myself and if I can see some motivation what I'm doing and the effects of what I'm having and yeah that'll be good self motivation is so good for my self-worth and yeah that is all I have to say for now I hope everyone has had a great week and I will update you next week bye